coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
