I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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