I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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