i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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