Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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