Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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