smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
