I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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