i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize