i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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