fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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