I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
