Non-Jews are for practice
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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