1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
