if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
