I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
