oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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