I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
