You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
