Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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