I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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