We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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