wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize