Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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