how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
