my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
