It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize