I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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