I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
