I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize