can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
