True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
