He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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