I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
FUCK WHALES
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
