just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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