your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
