The maid of honor just puked.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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