The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So squirting runs in the family.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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