i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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