My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
