We won't sleep together?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
