went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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