Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
