I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
