This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
