you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
