im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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