I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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