i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Your cock deserves a montage
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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