I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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