Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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