Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
