i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
