I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
