So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
