i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
