Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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