i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
