I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
