I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
