OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
