I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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