How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
