Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
