a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize