i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
