She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
