OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my phone needs a breathalizer
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
