I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
