Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
