That's intense
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
