you have to choose: penises or morals?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
