someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
