omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
