think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
