Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
