Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize