I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
