its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
