may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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