I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we're making bets on your personal life
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
