Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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