Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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