I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
