we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
