In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
