If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
