So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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