I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
