I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
