So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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