btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize