I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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