Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
