Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Still dying that you shit outside
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
