That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
