I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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